I just came in from sitting on my stoop. While I was sitting there a little boy with camo pants five sizes too big, his plaid boxer shorts covering his otherwise exposed tooshie, came running up to me. “You got ten cents?” I usually don’t have change in my pockets, but I decided to look just to appease him. What should I find in my pocket? Ten cents. I handed it over, he thanked me and ran off to the corner market, his pants falling lower with every step. I giggled to myself, and said under my breath, “Go buy some candy, and pull your pants up lover.” For the next five minutes I sat there on my stoop smiling uncontrollably as I watched the madness that is my neighborhood. The graffiti that was on the warehouse across the street this morning had been painted over for the two hundredth time. “Sea” had left his mark yet again last night. He is infamous in these parts. There were cars driving by with music so loud I could feel it in my chest, there were people dumping water on each other, and fireworks in the distance. As I sat there smiling I reminisced on my last six months here in North Philly, and realized how happy it has made me. I found myself all of a sudden singing, “How long do you want to be loved, is forever enough is forever enough. How long do you want to be loved, is forever enough, cause I’m never ever giving you up.” My happiness was almost unbearable…

Three car-fulls of us went “down the shore” two weeks ago for a farewell to my dear friend Mallory. It was so wonderful to see the ocean again for the first time since I left California. Even though the Atlantic looks so different, it was as if I was home. We had a wonderful time playing in the waves, laughing and getting sunburned. I returned to the city sun kissed and happy.

This past weekend 11 of us went camping up at a place called Rickett’s Glen, about three hours outside of the city. The whole drive there I was overwhelmed by the beautiful green trees. I have learned to love this city, but find it utterly healing to escape it. The camp ground was beautiful surrounded by tall trees, nestled right up against a lake. We had campfires, roasted s’mores, shared meals together, went on hikes, swam in waterfalls, swam in lakes, paddled around in row boats and kayaks, and survived a wild lighting storm and torrential downpours. It truly was an amazing weekend. I am often in awe of the friendships I’ve formed here, and how enjoyable they are. For the first time in a long time I feel as though I am truly being known. “Sustainably known”. A “known” that will last longer than six months. Sincerely, and honestly known. By the end of the weekend I was terribly sad to be leaving. I could have done with 10 more weekends just like it.

My dear friend Kim asked me today how I was doing. I responded “good”, but wanted with all my heart to expound on that. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t saying “good”, just to say “good”, but that I truly was so “good”. It has been a hard year for me. And in the last few months I’ve thrived off of just simply living. I’ve loved the peace of friends and making a home for myself; the joy of the day to day interacting with my neighbors and fellow humans. I’ve loved getting to know the “regulars” that come into the thrift store with all their silly corks. I’ve loved house diners, and weekend trips, and warm weather cook outs. I’ve loved watching kids play in bursting fire hydrants, and the fact that the man at the corner store always knows what I want before I even say a word. I have loved sleeping on our roof when our house is too hot to even move. I’ve loved waking up to the sound of “bumping” music blaring from the make-shift car wash next door. The warm weather has seemingly woken people up, and in turn I feel as if I’ve woke as well. That little boy today with his little pants falling right off brought me so much joy. It’s in these things that I feel life is found. It’s in each other that I feel we find love, and hope and peace. I’ve found so much of that here in Philly, and today I am more thankful that I could ever put into words. This is a wild world, and I feel very blessed to have found a little pocket of it that will have me. A place to belong. With nothing to prove. Just love.

Comments

lover mother said…
i love you bess, you are truly amazing
Anna Ingalls said…
it's so good to hear you soooo happy bessy. Miss you loads. love you.

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