Hello Beloved,
I have no idea how I will be able to express my elation in this update. As I left the shopping center last week after doing emails, talking to my mom on instant message, reading about California fall, my family, my new nieces, one still in utero, my beautiful friends, I was caught up in a world very different from the one I find my self in now. As I walked out of the coffee shop to get dinner, I found the food court swarmed with people all shapes and sizes rushing to get food after sun down. Ram.adan is this month; a month long holiday where they fast during the day then feast after sun down. I could hardly order my food with out being tackled, by middle aged women, elderly, and men of all ages. I just stood there in bewilderment. Then, survival of the fittest kicked in, and I held my rightful place in line. Politeness does not exist in the queues here. I got my shishtawook, in a take away parcel, and we were on our way. With water and food in hand, myself and four others went in search of a taxi. We were bombarded with little street boys, grabbing at my food and water. Then at my backside, and the chests of two girls with me. It was overwhelming to come from one world to another. A friend tried to distract them with conversation while the rest of us piled in a taxi. The boys responded with some phrase we didn't understand. The taxi driver, however, understood. He immediately got out went to the boys, yelled, "Ibe!" Which means "shame", then took two of the boys by the back of the neck, and smashed their heads together. One boy staggered while the other fell to the ground crying, blood pouring from some orifice on his face. I couldn't think, before I knew it the taxi driver was driving away before we could even get our door shut. A lump rose in my throat as I replayed what had just happened. "He was defending our honour. That's why he did it. That's all he's probably ever known to do. That doesn't make it right... he was defending our honour..." I went to bed with a stomach ache that night. These worlds are shockingly different.

I worked a lot in the community again this week; a lot of family visits. One of the women we had been checking up on went in early for her Cesarean section and we were shocked to see the baby when we arrived for her antenatal visit. We got to do a lot of teaching that day, about breast feeding, nutrition, worms, hygiene, natural family planning. It was really amazing. I love the neighborhood we've been blessed to make our home. The smell is, at times, more than anyone person can bear, the water is often off just when you think you've never been so dirty in your life. I love that just when you think you've come to the end of your rope, you realize it's actually a lot longer than you've expected it to be. And every morning you awake to find you've been strengthened, and renewed.

Yesterday, everything, the last three years of my life, made sense. I was able to go to a hospital here in my community and be a part of two C- sections, a mass removal from a breast, and a labour and delivery. We found ourselves in a theater (operating room) with heaps of other nurses, and doctors all preparing themselves and the woman for surgery. It was somewhat chaotic with everyone going every which way, trying desperately not to get in the way. Then, as if to calm the storm the main doctor turned to us and said, "Let us pra.y." Immediately all movement in the room ceased, everyone turned to face Jeru.salem and we began to p.ray. The whole time my mind raced, my eyes moistened, "I am more than honoured to be here, I am bles.sed..." After the pra.yer was over, They began. They cut, and cut, and cut, I watched, pra.ying with all my heart that I'd be able to continue to handle it. It was amazing to see the things we've been studying for the last four months come to life. They reached the uterus, the waters broke, then the violent procedure of stretching the incision enough to get the baby out, my knees weaken a bit recalling the memory. Then, out comes the head, then, A BABY! I was in awe. We were in suspense for a few minutes, as the baby didn't respond, and resuscitation was needed. Their methods were not as we had learned, and I was somewhat horrified thinking that perhaps they were less effective as well. Eventually the baby let out a little cry, and with more and more persistence, pink crept into his face, and belly. Thank you Je.sus. The next one was just as intense during the surgery, but this little girl cried immediately. They were both beautiful. Just as we had pra.yed that morning, after all the surgeries, a woman came in labouring. She was only at 3 cms at 12:30, so we all had some time. The lady went home to get some things, we went out to get some falafels, six pita sandwiches for one pound. Amazing. We returned at 2 to find her with an oxytocin drip, artificially ruptured membranes, and at 5 cm. The doctors obviously wanted this baby out. So we waited with her as her contractions progressed, monitoring them, her blood pressure, pulse, and the fetal heart rate. It was incredible to be with a labouring woman. There's so much energy in the room, when you are doing something she likes, you feel like the most useful person in the world. But when nothing you do comforts her you feel utterly useless. Because of the oxytocin drip, and the fact that her relatives turned it up... (sweet Je.sus) she was at 10 cm at just past 5 o'clock. Off to the theater again. By 5:40 we had a beautiful baby boy. I watched as the after birth came, and then the doctor walked me through the whole thing. "We rotate the membranes here... very carefully... now we stitch up the episiotomy... start from above the wound, see, watch closely..." I laughed to myself, as I watched this procedure done. Who would have ever thought I could ever end up in the Middle East, as a midwife, fully in love with the life I've been given.

He is so good. It's Him that has changed me. It's Him that has made me capable. It's Him that has shown me a love like I've never known. He's fulfilled me. He's blessed me. He's stirred me to right wrong, to love and to bless others. He is peace. He is joy. He is breath. He is fullness of life. He is hope. He is love. When everything around you fades away, it is He that remains. I think about my last week, and I am undone.
May you find yourselves in the same position. How could you not be, staring in the face of a beautiful G.od.
Ble.ssings,
Bessma