Disclaimer- I know very little on the subject I am about to write on, but find it incredibly fascinating, so will write none the less.

In my Cultural Traditions class today we discussed the idea of balance in terms of men and women. We have been talking, for the last couple of months about Mesopotamia, and ancient Greek culture, focusing mainly on religion. After the exam we took before break, he realized that many in the class had a misunderstanding of the view of women in these cultures. To better our understanding, he contrasted their view with that of our own modern world.

We addressed the widely known and touchy fact that men dwell in a more "physical world" and women in a more "sensory world". I am not one for gender roles, as I have experienced time and time again, beautiful exceptions to the rules. But for the sake of this blog, I will conclude that, for the most part, the above fact is true. In the ancient world, men often times (although not all the time) were the hunters, the gatherers and warriors. The women were the feelers, the ones surrounding the supernatural, and belief. Many of the original deities worshiped by ancient cultures were female figures. Throughout history, there has been mystery and magic surrounding women. From our menstrual cycles being rhythmically timed with the moon, to our deep inclination towards emotion and depth, women have mystified the opposite sex. This mystery, for many, many generations was feared and respected. Somewhere along the line patriarchy entered and the fear surrounding this mystery turned from reverence, into trepidation and it was decided that these mysteries should be blotted out.

We then talked about the Age of Enlightenment, and the impact that it has had on women, or individuals who naturally dwell more in the "sensory world". The Age of Enlightenment put incredible emphasis on exploring the "physical world". Which we, for the sake of this blog, have chosen to say is a male dominated world. With reason taking the place of the supernatural, and facts, numbers, and science explaining away so many aspects of mystery, the "sensory world" was proven to be almost as silly as a child's bedtime story. Women have therefore had to conform, on many levels to this "physical world" in order to obtain power, respect, and legitimacy. And many many women have done this very very well. But something has been lost.

The point my professor was trying to make is that throughout history you see the necessity of balance, or tension between the "physical" and "sensory" worlds. As mystery and magic have been explained away, so have so many of the things that make women powerful and wonderful. I have felt a great change in myself throughout the past two years, as I have seemingly entered my very own Age of Enlightenment. I often feel ashamed to experience emotion as strongly as my body naturally would like experience it. I feel this constant battle between the beauty of mystery and the appeal of science. I am more critical of the world around me, and the people I interact with daily. Things are often darker, colder, and more empty. I feel ashamed to feel. This often comes out in my relationship with my very own, very lovely, and very "physical world", Matt. He is wonderful in that he openly admires my dwelling in a more "sensory world". I often find this hard to believe, as my own Age of Reason tells me that, that world is a weaker world. What a horrible loss.

Whether male, or female, the loss of this "sensory world" is chilling. Just as it would be if the "physical world" were lost and the "sensory world" prevailed. As I said before, I know very little of these things, but find myself feeling as though I am lacking. I feel as though I so often strive to quench my feelings, put away with childish things, blot out that longing for the mysterious, that longing for a loving God--- as these things are unreasonable. But how amazing, how powerful would it be to embrace these things, and appreciate the beauty of who we are. We living in the "sensory world" are vital. To conform to anything less is to submit to a lesser life. I so deeply love that these roles can be reversed. My point in this blog is not to say that men should be men and women should be women and that it should look a certain way. But to come alive in the worlds we were born into, where we dwell naturally. To be comfortable with mystery, emotion, and a power that looks different than ANSWERS.

I think that I have been awkwardly looking for this balance in myself. The yin and the yang. Both sides so important, one so often quenched or forgotten. Perhaps this is why I love midwifery so much. Science, and spirit all in one act. Its beautiful. To feel, and feel deeply truly is a beautiful thing.